Courtship and Marriage

	Marriage’s Importance Marriage was an important right of passage in nineteenth century life because it redefined a person’s status and duties. The marriage process can be broken down into the four basic parts of courtship, engagement, the wedding, and married life.
Courtship Courtship was the process of "winning over" a potential spouse. Although courtship has much in common with the modern practice of dating, courtship was more significant because it meant the couple was seriously considering marriage. During courtship, a couple shared their innermost thoughts with each other in order to determine if they were compatible with each other and to develop a loving relationship. The couple got to know each other better during visitations and through the exchange of letters. Jefferson Patterson and Julia Johnston followed many of the accepted customs of courting during their own courtship, as the couple spent a great deal of time visiting and writing to each other. "Although this is Sunday I cannot forego the pleasure of writing to you my much beloved friend." Julia Johnson in a letter to John Patterson, January 20, 1833.	Engagement An engagement is the promise between two people that they will marry each other. By the nineteenth century, the common belief was that love served as the basis for marriage. A couple’s parents generally had little say about their children’s desire to marry. In most cases, a man did not ask the parents of his prospective bride for her hand in marriage until she had already accepted his marriage proposal. The length of a couple’s engagement depended on a variety of factors. In order to get married, a man needed to be able to financially support a wife. The length of the engagement also depended on the lady’s eagerness to get married.
	Jefferson Patterson and Julia Johnston were engaged by January 3, 1833 but Jefferson did not ask John Patterson, Julia’s father’s, permission until January 21, 1833. Her father gave his positive response promptly. "Your family and connexions have been long known to me; your own character from report and personal knowledge stands very fair. I could not, therefore, for a moment have any objections to the proposal you make, the consent of my dear Daughter being previously had." –Letter from John Johnston to Jefferson Patterson on January 23, 1833
Wedding A wedding ceremony in the nineteenth century was relatively informal by today’s standards. A typical 1830’s wedding usually took place at the home of the bride’s parents and was attended by a limited number of relatives or friends. Although some brides wore white, many brides wore dresses of other colors such as gray or brown. (perhaps place by period dress) It was during this time that many modern wedding rituals began. A groomsmen and a bridesmaid often attended the couple, and guests were starting to bring gifts for the newlyweds. It was also becoming common for the family to serve guests food and cake at a reception after the wedding. After the wedding, the newlyweds generally departed for their new home where they would receive visitors at a later date. If there was a great distance between the home of the bride’s parents and their new home, the couple might stop to visit people who had not attended the wedding. By 1840, it became popular for the newlyweds to take a wedding trip to places such as New York or Cincinnati. At six o’clock on the evening of February 26, 1833, Julia Johnston and Jefferson were married in the parlor of John Johnston’s home near Piqua. Julia wore a white dress and was accompanied by her bridesmaid Sarah Ross. The wedding was followed by a reception at which guests were served a supper of delicacies and game. The newlyweds left Piqua for their new home in Dayton on February 27, 1833 and were accompanied on their journey by several of their friends. In the days following their arrival, the couple was visited by several friends at their residence on Jefferson Street and were the guests of honor at several receptions.
	Marriage After marriage, a woman’s life changed radically by making them financially and legally dependent on their husbands. Society expected a married woman to be submissive, pure, and pious as well as devoted to domesticity. A wife was expected to cook, clean, nurse the sick, and make sure her husband was comfortable. If the couple succeeded in having children, the wife was also responsible for their welfare and upbringing. "Your husband, I have no doubt, will do all he can to make you happy, but you must not be unreasonable in your expectations. To be happy there must be a desire in both to please and you will be so long as this continues and no longer. Try to learn your husband’s feelings and view of things and endeavor to conform to them. Make him your counsellor on all occasions and your confident."–Letter from Rachel Johnston to Julia Johnston Patterson on March 5, 1833 Julia Patterson’s domestic dutiesincluded housekeeping, gardening, and candle-making. She also raised eight children. During the Civil War, Julia ran Rubicon Farm and the family's milling business while her older sons were in the Army and Jefferson served in the state legislature.